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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Don't blame me I voted for your mom's ass
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Don't blame me I voted for your mom's ass  Someone the other day asked me how long sex "should take" which is a hard question to answer . Because when does sex begin ? And when does it end ? The parameters are too vague . The Seinfeld rule is that once the nipple shows up you're having sex . But the last time I had sex we both kept our shirts on - not because we're that low rent but things just jumped off too quickly to get undressed you know ? And probably she didn't want to see my man-teats clanking around , which I don't blame her for . For which I don't blame her I mean . And does it end only when both parties have "gotten off" ? If so I'm still in process of having sex with many women . I'm like having a 27way right now . Or does it end when you get bored and turn on the TV ? My desk at work is far away from everyone else because I am a grumpy asshole and it's better for everyone , but people often stand outside my cube to have their dumb cellphone telephone conversations . The other day a woman was really lighting into her husband or boyfriend or whatever because he got her a suitcase for her birthday . Among other things she said "That's not even a present , I can get my own suitcase !" Which is helpful because now I know the criteria . For a woman to think a gift is good is has to be something she can't get herself . Which is tricky unless you're a rich guy . Maybe I should only get involved with really poor women . So what does that leave ? Gifts that you make ? I don't think that would go over very well for me since I have no making talents . But even if you did I don't think most women would like that . Such as if you're a musician and you write a song for your lady I bet she'd think that was lame because you write songs all the time so it's not special . The only way I see out of this conundrum is to open a store that does not sell anything online and only allows men to enter and stocks items exclusively . That way you can buy something there that your lady can't get . I remember one time my buddy Smelly Jimmy brought his now wife but girlfriend at the time a flower from some mountain that only grows above the treeline and you have to climb up there to get them . And she said "This is all I get , a flower ?" She was only kinda kidding . I envy those who are good at gift giving . I'm working on a project at work and this manager came up to me this morning and asked if I wanted her help and I said "no , I got it covered" and he instantly became so mad it cracked my top 5 times I pissed people off list . Her face got redder than a metaphor . She said to me , among other things 'I am a manager you don't turn me down for anything !" I couldn't help but laugh at that which didn't help of course . I often wonder what people like that think about themselves . We all know that most managers in the world could be replaced by an upturned mop with a bucket for a head and it would be a lateral move at best but clearly some of them think they're king shit of fuck mountain . I wonder what that's like . Lately I've been having a lot of dreams where my dick gets ripped off . Which if you believe in that kind of crap has to mean that I feel like I'm being emasculated right ? But nothing's really changed in my life so it seems odd . Plus I never really felt masculated right ? I've always hated Andrew Jackson . Well not always , there were surely a bunch of years in the beginning where I didn't even know who he was . But I've hated him for a while . Because he was way into murder native Americans and because his economic policies were totally lame . And I know all presidents up to that point were super into killing native Americans but he took it to a whole new level you know ? He really went overboard with the killing of native Americans . But just recently I found out two more reasons to hate him . He's the one who came with the way political parties work now which is the worst . There were political parties before him of course , but it was different you know ? Voters weren't affiliated with parties , they voted for whoever they thought was better . Jackson changed all that . And worst of all his dumb economic policies in addition to being dumb caused the financial crisis that kept Martin Van Buren , my favorite president , from getting a second term . I also learned that said crisis in 1837 was pretty much the same as the housing crisis in 2008 except with slave mortgages . I knew that slavery was owning people but I didn't really think about what that meant . People mortgaged their slaves , and those mortgages were securitized , and those securities were sold to foreign interests - sounds familiar eh ? I guess this whole stupid cycle happens repeatedly with different commodities . So much for actors in economic models behaving rationally . Speaking of old timey nonsense in this current era of internet trolls it's interesting to think that relatively speaking not that long ago you could kill someone who shit-talked you and that was 100% okay . And now I can go online every hour and call some lady a filthy , dirty , disgusting , brutal , skanky , bottom feeding , trash bag that threaten to murder her and that's 100% okay . How times change eh ? Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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A suitcase does seem a little uninspired as a gift but it's better than say, a vacuum cleaner or a new washing machine. At least a suitcase could conceivably facilitate doing something nice i.e. taking a trip. (and yes I know you're a travel hater and you probably don't define 'taking a trip' as something nice)   
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A good gift (in my humble opinion) is one that shows thoughtfulness. I had a gentleman friend give me a gift of pork chops once. Lame? For sure. But he wrapped them for the freezer, in serving sizes just right for me. That part made it a pretty good gift. I could use a new suitcase. Opportunity may knock only once, but temptation bangs on the door forever!
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A good gift doesn't need to be expensive, but it does need to mean something. Last Christmas I spent $5 on an enlarged photo of the kids and cheap frame for them to give to their dad as a gift. It brought tears to his eyes he had liked it so much.
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Maybe he was giving her the suitcase as a sign...  Vive La Difference
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