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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
I came here to do two things - chew bubblegum and lick pussy
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I came here to do two things - chew bubblegum and lick pussy You know the rest The other day I was hanging with my amiga and she says to me she says (and I quote) "We can't go to pound town because I have inflammation in my tract" and so I go "no problem , that's what the butt is for" and then she retorts "great , I'll get my strap-on" and we both had a hearty (and hardy) laugh . Butt seriously folks strap-ons , as much as I enjoy porn featuring them they're worse than useless right ? Anything you can accomplish with a strap-on you can accomplish easier without said dildo being strapped to your pelvis right ? Its just a porn thing right , no one does that in the really real world eh ? The only scenario I can see where someone would want to use a strap-on outside of porn is if they're in the Olympics or some other competitive fucking event and they want to raise the degree of difficulty for their routine . Speaking of degree of difficulty check out what Epicurus said about sex he deemed it to be "they (erotic stuff) are not difficult to master and are not needed for happiness" . The second half ? Sure . But easy to master ? Fuck that noise . I've been working like a here and I have come nowhere near mastering any kind of fuckery . If anything I've gotten worse ! Pleasing a lady ain't an exact science . And check out this other thing he said ! What is good is easy to get, and What is terrible is easy to endure I call bullshit on that . You know what's good ? Dinosaurs . Good luck getting one of those . And I've never heard anyone after enduring something terrible say "Wow , that was easy ." Stupid Epicurus , I don't care if he did help to replace superstitions with rational thought I'm glad he had kidney stones . Anyway , so Betsy said to me the other day that she's not really into having oral sex performed on her , hah , performed makes it sound to grandiose - everyone gather at the theatre tonight for a performance of oral sex . It didn't occur to me at the time but this is bad news for her because if you didn't know on Thanksgiving the United Nations is going to release a chemical into the atmosphere that will make every homosexual as a population control measure . And if you're a lesbian who doesn't like cunnilingus what do you do then ? Just make out ? Fingering ?  Oh right . Speaking of making out for a long time one time this dude from Albania gave me this sex advice . If you're making out with a girl and you want to get things moving you should take out your cock and put her hand on it because something is going to happen . He said 9 times out of ten you'll get to gettin' and the other one time you'll get your ass kicked out of the place , but either way something will happen . I don't know if his ratio is correct but the conclusion certainly is . My question is though - is that sexual assault ? Seems like probably it is . This dude was not attractive , didn't have a particularly great personality , had no money and was basically just a greasy loser but he did bang tons of chicks . The other couple of dudes I know that banged tons of chicks were the same - nothing appealing about them at all , but they were willing to just<b> whip </font></b>out their junk like it was nothing . I guess that's all it takes . The weird thing about that dude is he considered himself a "devout" Catholic despite scamming on chicks and jacking off all the time and drinking himself blind most nights . The Neilson people have been calling me 2-3 times a day because they want me for RADIO ratings . When I heard that I laughed and laughed . When I got the letter which I threw away without opening I assumed it was for TV ratings which is antiquated enough , but radio ? Come on Nielson people , that's akin to asking me kind of wax cylinders I listen to on my phonautograph . Radio Neilson ratings ? It is to laugh . I've started reading Awaken Healing Energy Through the Tao : The Taoist Secret of Circulating Internal Power of which there is a part about sexual energy (of course I read that first) and on thing it states that if you want to increase you sexual energy you need to expose your perineum to the sun . So you know , work on that . Then next time you're banging and you orgasm you can say "That's the SUN you're feeling mother fucker !" You know what's kind of weird to me for no real reason ? Seeing the home page Senior Sizzle squatting woman on someone else's screen . Its "oh Senior Sizzle squatting woman , what are YOU doing here ?" Its just incongruous you know ? Almost like she's cheating on me . Does anyone know who Senior Sizzle squatting woman is ? Is she a porn star ? A model ? A computer generated image ? I want to know about Senior Sizzle squatting woman . What are her hopes and her dreams ? What pathway led to her squatting on the home page of a website like this ? What are her thoughts on the upcoming election ? What's her retirement plan ? Do squatting women get a 401(k) ? Does she remember that episode of Three's Company where Jack pretended to be into fitness to scam on that lady ? Probably not . Senior Sizzle squatting woman is too young to have seen that probably . Some people (men) are pro-hairless pussies and some people (women) aren't so much . I bring this up because the other day at work a lady was annoying me and I told her that if she didn't knock it off I was going to set her pubic hair on fire and she smile and said sweetly "I wax so there's nothing for you to set aflame" . I had to admit defeat on that one . So if you shave or wax or laser or whatever at least you can't have your pubes arsoned . But 40 , can't they just burn your junk directly then ? Maybe , but they'd have to hold the fire there right ? I feel like they'd get bored of that pretty expediently . You know how people are these days , no attention span at all . And finally consider this bit of wisdom from Community "What you see may be what you don't want but it's also what you get." Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Interesting about the perineum, but isn't that kinda bad news for you since you're so indoorsy?  
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When you said you were hanging with your amiga my first thought was, "Now that is geeky, but at least it was an upgrade from the Commodore. I wonder if anyone is using the handle Vic20". Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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