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How I learned to stop worrying and the love the blowjob
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How I learned to stop worrying and the love the blowjob Suggested music for reading this post "Thrills" by Cake As long time readers know (ha !) one time I wrote about how up until a few months ago when I met my gal pal I had never enjoyed the cornucopia of sensual delights that result from having your penis oral sexed until "it" happens . I don't know what I titled that post but I should have titled it what I titled this one . Like most things that are awesome (sugar , MSG , caffeine , snarkiness , leaping instead of walking , designer underpants) I kind of wish I didn't know about it because now I want it all the time . I wake up and I think to myself "Man , why can't a woman be here sucking my cock right now ? What's that about ? Which is not a great thing to waste your time thinking about really . And many times when a lady comes up to talk to me about what have you I say to her "You have a mouth , I have a dick , I think we both know what needs to happen here ." And then I feel bad because that's a terrible thing to say . Also I never like asking for sexy mouth sex because it seems imminently selfish . At least with the sexy intercourse sex there's a chance that we both have a good time . Not much of one of course , but beating long odds is what I'm all about (that and cookie dough) . Fun fact , humans have the largest penis size to body mass ratio among primates . In your face orangutans ! Apparently the erect penis of many of our primate cousins is about 1 inch in length . Bonus fun fact when a chimp comes at you (which will happen some day) they try to rip off your jaw first so you can't bite them and after that they try to rip off your dick so you can't fuck them . Seems like a pretty valid fighting style to me .  In other news a few days ago when I was driving to work it started pouring down rain at the exact moment I happened to be driving by two pretty young ladies jogging towards me . Free wet t-shirt contest (the one on the left was the winner) but as I was masturbating at the stoplight I thought to myself "Is that okay for me to enjoy ?" Bouncing wet boobies are bouncing wet boobies and all , but while its okay to ogle women who are intentionally exposing themselves for the purpose of ogling (well not really , but that's a different conversation) its probably not okay to do it on accidental exposure right ? I asked my gal pal about this very thing and she went with the "they had it coming if they were dressed like that" route . A feminist she's not . Last weekend I happened to be watching the TV and there was a show wherein a porn lady of some kind was walking around and her dress "accidentally" got ripped off . And the bit was that people would react to her naked nude breasts . You know , that old routine . Stuff like that kind of annoys me . Because people are going to get desensitized to that kind of delicate social scenario . Now if I see a lady actually get her clothes ripped off I won't worry about it because I'll assume its a scam and I'm on TV . Damn you TV . I super hate that "What would you do" thing they do on ABC sometimes for that very reason . And also its a total asshole maneuver to fake scenarios like that . Thinking that a drunk is wailing on her is kind of traumatic right ? If someone come out afterwards and told me it was all staged I'm pretty sure I'd bite their nose off in rage . And it would filmed and we'd see what people would do about it , but it would be okay because it would be real . And finally , I rarely read man blogs for reasons unknown (closet homosexual) but the other day one of my lady blog friends sent me to a post she said was one of the "best ever" that was from a dude blog . I normally try to avoid criticizing other people's blogs (although I bet I do it all the time without noticing) because its a form of personal expression , it doesn't involve me , its not really logical for me to even have an opinion of it . Saying a blog post is "bad" makes about as much sense as saying a cloud is "bad" it just is what it is . Obviously there are exceptions , if someone posted a blog encouraging people to randomly drag Eskimos out of their cars and beat them to death I would be against that , but in general I try to keep my stupid face out of other people's stuff . That being said , I did not like this blog post at all , probably in part because it got millions of comments saying how great and courageous it was . I'm paraphrase the post in the most demeaning way possible (of course) yet still pretty accurately ; "I am against those things that everyone hates ." I found it not to be great and certainly not courageous . You don't need to be brave to espouse and opinion that EVERYONE is going to agree with . It bothered me for some reason I can't entirely fathom . Jealously is probably part of it . And I'm just kind of a jerk , that's the big part probably . Anyway , better nerd this thing up a little before I go . “People often claim to hunger for truth , but seldom like the taste when it's served up .” Tyrion Lannister Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Oh, that icky tasting truth.  
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That does seem like an effective strategy for fighting. As for selfish blowjobs, you could go to a dirty arcade with glory holes, but always check to see if there is a chimp on the other side. Greg and Lou Dot Com made a hilarious video about that a few years ago. This is from the National Parks Traveler, QUOTE 1. 1942: Sullivan was hit for the first time when he was in a fire lookout tower. The lightning bolt struck him in the leg and he lost a nail on his big toe. 2. 1969: The second bolt hit him in his truck when he was driving on a mountain road. It knocked him unconscious and burned his eyebrows. 3. 1970: The third strike burned his left shoulder while in his front yard. 4. 1972: The next hit happened in a ranger station. The strike set his hair on fire. After that, he began to carry a pitcher of water with him. 5. August 7, 1973: A lightning bolt hit Sullivan on the head, blasted him out of his car, and again set his hair on fire. 6. June 5, 1974: Sullivan was struck by the sixth bolt in a campground, injuring his ankle. It was reported that he saw a cloud, thought that it was following him, tried to run away, but was still struck. 7. June 25, 1977: The seventh and final lightning bolt hit him when he was fishing. Sullivan was hospitalized for burns on his chest and stomach. ENDQUOTE Notice in number 6, that was a BAD cloud! I don't write blogs here very often anymore. I followed Mrs Fever over to word press and blog there. She misses you. Sometimes I quote you and laugh and laugh. I really do enjoy your sense of humor. Dr Strange Love, yeah that could be a good porn title. It works better as two words for that. Oh, and Roy Sullivan, he committed suicide because of unrequited love. Strange to say the least. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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In retrospect, in other words I forgot what I wrote, I do like the picture of the nips peeking through. On that topic, I would say it is better to see cleavage than whole boobs. Firstly, boob has multiple meanings including dolt, I have no desire to see whole dolts. Artimus has a pic with her nips as cute little peaks on her shirt. She rarely answers me, but I can still look at the nips. One of the porn films Angel Kelly made had her instructing a novice. She was wearing a very loose v neck while instructing, I found myself trying to look down her shirt. Five minutes later she was completely nude, but it was still fun to peek. If you study hard enough there probably is a reason to feel guilty about any sexual thought. Otherwise you just have to take the opportunities as they CUM {smirk like a naughty kid} Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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