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| Blogs > 40Deuce > Sherry Stringfield's ass in 93 |
Megapenis vs. Octopussy
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Megapenis vs. Octopussy Does it bother anyone else when an ADULT film has a great title but then sucks ? Take Crack Addict as an example - a great name for a anal themed pornographic film . But the movie did not live up to the name . The movie was C grade porn at best . At best . Meanwhile , the horribly named Anal Sex #23 is a great picture . Script , costume design , lighting , sound editing , directing , everything - all tight . The assholes were pretty tight too . I like the anal porn but I DO NOT like "gaping" assholes which some of them love to show . A real lady keeps her asshole closed . Anyway , the point is these two movies need to switch titles . Someone needs to be in charge of this . Not me , but someone . Also porn titlers need to take a hint from the Sci-Fi channel (I refuse to call is SyFy) and go whole hog with their naming convention . Megacroc VS Gatoroid . Not only do you know what you're getting , its got pizazz . As Patton Oswald once said a good movie title should create a small movie in your mind before you ever see it . Texas Chainsaw Massacre . Even if you've never seen that movie you have a notion of what is should be in your brain . In other news as you all know I've never cared for the various nicknames people use for the lady vagina , and despite my aggressive campaign the term "mommas silk purse" never caught on . Probably because of the momma part . Anyway , I heard a couple new contenders that I like recently . The front one I like this once because its elegance is in its simplicity . Cunny I like this one because while cunt is a horrible word (really the only "bad" word left , people seem to drop f-bombs all the time without even batting an eye these days - what up with that ?) and no one should ever say it , cunny sounds happy and friendly . Probably because it sounds like bunny . Which aren't really much more than fluffy rats but they have good PR people . I like this one a lot . Please start saying cunny instead of pussy or vagina or cooch or slit or gash or poon or fud or mossy cleft or hot box or beaver or panty hamster or front butt . Alright , you can still say front butt every now and then if you want . Snizz is also acceptable Yesterday when I went out to mow the law I saw was certainly looked like a squirrel having a sexy good time with a fallen tree branch . I'm sure that's not what was happening but that's what it looked like . Squirrels are also just fluffy rats but again , they've got better PR . Today when I went to the grocery store when I walked in a lady was berating some poor slob who worked at the store because said store will honor competitors coupons and she brought in a coupon for an item that they didn't sell . He offer her a substitute but she wouldn't go for it . What do you think her endgame was ? If they don't sell the item she wanted what did she want them to do about it ? She was still browbeating the guy when I was leaving an hour later . It kind of boggles my mind that some people put so little value on their time they're willing to do something like that . Isn't life too short for that kind of crumcake ? I will admit that I go too far the other way . Recently I ordered a shirt online and they sent me a completely different shirt - color , size , style , everything . And I just said to myself "eh , it fits , its a shirt , good enough ." Its also kind of interesting to me how the universe seems pick on those kind of people . When I got out to eat by myself everything is fine . But when I go out to eat with my gal pal , who's a finicky sort , 80% of the time there's something wrong with her order or with the bill . And I don't mind when she gets all prickly with the staff because that's her way , but these things just aren't worth quibbling over in my mind . Two bucks isn't going to make or break me , and if it is we shouldn't be out in the first place . In other news my gal pal as been not very subtly hinting that she would like some backdoor loving . Which is not something I like .  This is a thing that happens . Women get bored with me sexually because I'm boring sexually . Now part of my brain says that if you're not comfortable doing something sexwise don't do it . But part of my brain also says that you should be a generous partner sexwise , if everyone only did what they really wanted to no one would ever have sex right ? Where do you draw the line ? I wonder this specifically about married couples . In theory they're in love so to what point are you willing to do crazy crap in bed that you're not really into ? One my many problems is that I'm not very flexible , figuratively (and literally) . My brain tells me if she's bored that's her problem , she can find someone else . Because my brain doesn't really want me to be with anyone , it wants me all for itself . I can't blame it really . I think in every relationship I've been in (that involved sexy fun time) at one time or another (lots of times usually) my partner has made a sexual request that I rejected out of hand . Bondage , roleplaying , threesomes , non standard sexual locations , I didn't go for any of it . Part of me thinks because I don't make any requests I shouldn't have to grant any either , but that's not fair , that's just selfishness . But if it doesn't feel right it doesn't feel right right ? I mean at what point are you not even really involved beyond being a prop for your partner's orgasm ? Or is that okay sometimes ? I mean if they got off hard watching you dance the Charleston in a catwoman outfit what's the harm in doing it every now and then ? So many questions . So few answers . My instinct is to just never have sex again , problem solved . I hate my instincts . Also when people are talking about all the places they've had sex most people list all the different cars they've had sex in . At first this always puzzles me because why are people having sex in cars . Then I remember that most "normal" people starting humping when they were<b> teenagers </font></b>and then it makes sense . And finally , going back to the grocery store story (and wasn't that a hum-dinger ? Also hum-dinger is an acceptable pussyism) the chick checking me out used 4-5 times more bags than she needed to . It was so distracting I barely even noticed when she asked if I would like to go on a date with her . I was confused and aroused (as normal) . Do you know how long its been since a woman asked me out ? Forever . Also it was kind of gross because she looked like she was 12 . I can only assume that it was part of some cruel hoax and I would have ended up tied up in a cornfield with her boyfriend driving over me with a bailer . I can think of no other reason a sexy young thing would ask out a gross old monster like myself . Also she had everything pieced so she wasn't as sexy as should could have been - she even had that thing where they just randomly piece your arm . I politely turned her down with a technique I call "lying" . Why ? I don't know . I'm a man , when I'm in a tight spot my first instinct is to lie (see above) . I told her I was married . "Oh , sorry , you're not wearing a ring ." She said boobily . "I'm a Jehovah's Witness , we don't wear wedding rings ." I said lyingly . I do that sometimes when I want to get out of things . Is that offensive to Jehovah's Witness ? Probably . I should stop doing that . Oh , or just stop lying . I don't miss dating at all , but I can see how a certain type of person could like it . Its like exploring a distant land , you never know what you're going to discover . Chlamydia probably , but maybe something else . 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who am I to tell you, Deuce, what is right or wrong in your sex life (or any part of your life)? Given that every relationship involves some level of give & take, you may want to reconsider your blanket "not gonnna happen" attitude. Even when your sole partner is yourself, you are making choices (right hand, left hand?) and compromising; with a fully diferentiated partner, you either shut that partner out or you make compromises. IF your approch to partnerships is Take & Take, likely most of your relationships don't last too long. of course the above suggestion presumes that you value having someone in your life. IF solitude is your thing, forget any compromise suggestions. Chas
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There have been several good porn titles. Who Reamed Rosie Rabbit?, The Beverly Thrillbillies, browsing the titles in a porn store can be very amusing, but creepy guys will be watching you everytime you smile or chuckle. They consider that to be encouragement BTW. And don't accept a dinner invite from Dahmer {dead cannibals are obviously worse than live ones or we wouldn't have Zombie movies, but drinking alcoholic zombie drinks might loosen you up.} One former coworker argued with qwest for like 3 hours over a one dollar charge that they couldn't justify. And he did an encore performance the following month when it showed up again. My time is more important to me. He was extremely anal. I'm glad he decided to quit, he always tried to be deliberately annoying. He had nerve damage in the Navy {I suspect it was from being shoved into the torpedo tubes too often}. It caused his hands to shake {that was his excuse, for all I know he might've drank a couple of bottles of booze a day}. After quitting I heard that he went to work at a video place. A friend and I were going to go there and ask if he had "Tremors", but we never found out where he went. He's probably one of those creepy guys. I don't think you would've had to worry about them driving a baler over you, they would've used discs. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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Why do you like anal porn but not anal sex? (or am I misunderstanding what you meant by "backdoor loving"?)   
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I would agree with Deuce on this point. I like anal porn but not anal sex also. And to expound on the concept, the fantasy is often better than the reality. Going further, entertainment in general is an escape from the moment even when it's not porn. Even back in Homer's Odyssey, near the end, Odysseus and Telemachus kick some serious ass because those people really deserved it. It feels good to watch it, yet in real life it would be a lot less satisfying. In real life you would have to get rid of the bodies, clean up the mess, avoid getting sent to prison for life, in the movie none of that matters. In porn there is no commitment, no strings attached {unless you count bondage or puppet sex}, porn is a fantasy aid, living out a fantasy can be the worst thing you can do {even more so if the kink involves getting a Darwin Award}. Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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