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This is not a dildo
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This is not a dildo  Its a bullet . A bullet so big you can't even fire it out of a gun . I guess its just for show . Normally I roll my eyes when people snidely suggest that someone is compensating for something when they have a big car or a boat or what have you , but the dude that designed this ? Probably a small penis . In other news you should read this [post 3109650] its pretty good even though I wanted to entitle a post never give up and never surrender and now I can't . Thanks a lot SBJ . And now , because its been a while since I posted something truly nerdishly , I present the Justice League of Insanity . Cutey Honey debuted in 1973 and is notable for being the first Japanese manga heroine . However, no one would mistake Honey for a feminist icon , as her ridiculous superpowers are right out of an anime nerd's wettest of dreams . But first things first - the origin story , which reads like the plot of Terminator Salvation mixed with Are You There God ? It's Me Margaret . Honey Kisaragi thought she was an ordinary until she discovered that she was a super-powered android version of her dead human self (as happens at a certain time in a girl's life) . She then realized that upon shouting "Honey Flash !" her clothes would self-destruct and she would turn into a busty redheaded crime fighter (the best kind) . The most ridiculous part of all this is that Cutey Honey's garments have exploded in every damn adventure for the past 30+ years . Heck , even Bruce Banner finally learned to buy purple chinos in bulk , but,all these years later Cutey Honey is still streaking for justice . Flash Bomba is the creation of famed Filipino graphic novelist Mars Ravelo . Because an accident crippled his legs , Flash trained the rest of his body to become super strong . After overcoming his handicap in a Lifetime-afternoon-movie-worthy fashion , Flash did what any plucky paraplegic would do : beat up a Tikbalang (a mythic beast with a man's body and 's head) to try and steal its magic powers . What amazing abilities did this reverse centaur give Flash Bomba ? He bestowed Flash with freakishly swollen hands and feet . Score ? Not just a little swollen ; "Dom DeLuise drunk in an apiary" swollen. In addition to being able to palm a dozen basketballs , Flash Bomba's hands have other "helpful" super-human applications . He can summon demon horses (of course) and clap loud enough to stop tornadoes which would actually be really helpful here in Tornado Alley . When Flash Bamba saves the day the crowd is appreciative but only lukewarmly so . I believe they're thinking, "America gets Superman . Japan gets that girl whose clothes blow up . We get Hamburglar at the Manila Gay Pride Parade ." Splatter is an ally of Captain Canuck , a Canadian version of Captain America who is frequently mistaken for Guardian (and Vindicator) Marvel Comics' own Canadian Captain America . As the sidekick of a Z-list rip-off , Splatter is just about the saddest hero alive . His "powers" are even more depressing . Splatter carries a special paintball gun and travels around the urban jungle via trapeze ropes . When he sees criminal activity , he marks the offender with a paintball splat so Captain Canuck knows whom to punch . Imagine if Robin did nothing except scream "LOOK ! CRIME !" and you'll get a sense of Splatter's worthlessness . Also it doesn't say a lot about Captain Canuck either that he needs to be pointed in the right direction before fighting crime . Splatter's alter ego is Manuel Ferrara , which is incidentally also the name of an award-winning French porn director . It's more plausible that Splatter is Manuel Ferrara's secret identity rather than vice versa . There are plenty of Superman clones around the world , but few are as curious as Super Shamou . The first Inuit superhero (probably) Shamou receives his powers not from another planet or genetic mutation , but from a shaman's amulet of caribou teeth . In 1987 , creator Barney Pattunguyak oversaw the production of a Super Shamou program for the Inuit Broadcasting Corporation . The show featured Shamou patrolling Canada's Northwest Territories , saving uncoordinated from falling off of boats and cliffs . Sadly , his exploits lasted only three episodes and one comic book . Why ? The Northwest Territories have a population of around 43k , I'm pretty sure Super Shamou simply ran out of clumsy to rescue . In 1996 , Akihito Yoshitomi and his Japanese pals all sat down and decided that they wanted to create a new badass manga hero - so badass , that his power didn't make any god damn sense . Thus, Eat-Man was born . What were his powers you ask ? Well , Eat-Man (also known as Bolt Crank) could eat virtually anything that he could shove into his mouth and regurgitate back as a useful object , usually through his arm . Here's the standard trajectory of an Eat-Man episode : #1. Eat-Man consumes something lethally inedible (like gunpowder) #2. One of Eat-Man's appendages becomes a ludicrous weapon(because why not ?) #3. The monster soils itself out of sheer befuddlement #4. Eat-Man blows his enemy away . Our hero silently hoping that no one notices that his power is a magical form of bulimia . In our Justice League of Insanity , Super Shamou is Superman, Eat-Man is Green Lantern with an eating disorder , so Zsazsa Zaturnnah must be Wonder Woman , right ? Well , this Filipino Amazon has a certain something in common with Aquaman , and that thing is a penis . Somewhere , a very confused soul is wanking off . It's actually a little more complex than that . Zsazsa doesn't have a cock - Ada, her<b> homosexual </font></b>male alter ego , does . For those of you who aren't completely insane by now , let me clarify . Our story begins when Ada , a small town beautician , discovers a stereotypically pink meteorite . Ada then does what any normal gay man would do when faced with a large , potentially toxic space rock : Hork the whole thing down in one gulp (somewhat derivative of Eat-Man right ?). After devouring the cosmic mineral for no good reason , Ada screams the magic word "Zaturnnah !" and transforms into ZsaZsa , supermanwoman extraordinaire ! Before you scoff at the total weirdness of Zsazsa's gender-bending escapades , know that the comic is extremely popular in the Philippines and has even been adapted into an award-winning musical . A superhero musical! Who'd be crazy enough to do that ? 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