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Honey you got real ugly
Honey you got real ugly First things first - the self castigation . The other day I went crying to one of my fake internet friends about how no one had posted any comments on my last few blogs . I am deeply ashamed . I can thing of nothing more inconsequential for a person to worry about . I am disappointed in myself (and in you a little just because) and sincerely apologize to myself . And I accept my apology . And I thank myself for accepting my apology so graciously . In other news this morning I heard someone say "Who played Keanu Reeves in the sequel to the Bus ?" Which aside from being delightfully silly gave me the best idea for a movie ever . Remakes are totally "in" right now so I suggest a remake of Speed where Keanu and Dennis Hopper play themselves . The premise would be that Keanu is actually on an LA bus with a camera crew filming something for a new release of Speed on Blu-Ray and then Dennis Hopper hijacks the bus with explosives because he's mad he got screwed out of his fair share on the profits from some re-release . The whole thing would come to a dramatic conclusion where Jeff Daniels (played by Jeff Bridges) is blown up , ruining any possibility of a rumored sequel to Dumb and Dumber . THEN , after the credits - the secret ending , where they show the filming of a remake of Dumb and Dumber with Keanu as Lloyd and . . . . you guessed it , Dennis Hopper as Harry . This is my best idea ever . The hard part will be getting Dennis Hopper to sign on . On account of he's dead . Recently American Apparel began selling some of their clothes in the image-shattering size of XL , a decision that certainly had nothing to do with having narrowly avoided bankruptcy . To commemorate this historic event , American Apparel launched a contest called "The Next BIG Thing" because "Fatty Patty's Boulder Holders" would've been a little too on the nose. Size 12 women (provided they were "booty-ful" and had "full size fannies") were invited to<b> upload </font></b>photos of themselves for the Internet consumption . Nancy Upton , taking umbrage at the contest's incredibly offensive verbiage , decided to submit a picture of herself holding a pie over her vagina . I don't really get it . I like it sure , but how is this a protest exactly ? Aside from referencing a horrible Warrant song (as if there's any other kind , BAM !) I'm not sure what she was going for . Whatever kind of satire this is supposed to be it didn't really land for me . Its kind of like when women get "revenge" on a dude who cheated on them by slutting around for a few months . I like it , it just makes no sense . Kind of like women overall . BAM ! Speaking of sizes I must have been messed up on cold medicine when I ordered some stuff on Amazon because I have a size "S" Batman shirt if anyone wants it . In other other news I live in a state called Iowa . It has been listed as one of the safest states to live in . Our official language is English . Our motto is "Our liberties we prize and our rights we will maintain" which is mostly true . It is also home of Iowa University . Which is part of the Big Ten . This morning as I was walking into work I spied with my little eye a lady with very ample bosoms wearing an Iowa Big Ten shirt . The shirt and boobs interplayed in such a way that all you could really see if the word BIG stretched across her jiggling melons . It was quite apropos . And finally , I met a lady today who I talk to on the phone all the time for the first time in real life . At first she was confused because "I thought you were a woman ." Come again ? I'm no Barry White (because I'm alive) but I do have a pretty deep voice . Also my name is not one I've ever heard of being applied to a lady . There's a lot of crossover these days , but still . You just never know what's going to come out of someone's mouth do you ? Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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