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+140 Damage vs. Bugbears/Ghosts/Orcs/Skeletons/Vampires/Werewolves/Zombies
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+140 Damage vs. Bugbears/Ghosts/Orcs/Skeletons/Vampires/Werewolves/Zombies "To diminish the influence of the devil is to slander God ." Matthew Hopkins , Witchfinder General 1646-1647  I started reading a book the other day that's about the last witchfinder in England in the 1670s (witchfinding here in the USA kept going on for a LONG time after the 17th century) . All the old classics are there - the drowning test , the torture test , the hey I want money so she's a witch test , but there was one thing I never knew about . Some witches were convicted (and hung) based on having a third nipple which they used to nurse their demon familiars . And where was this "nipple" found ? Near the front junction of the<b> labia minora </font></b>above the opening of the urethra . Sound familiar ? So while women today may decry the ability of menfolk to find the clitoris for your foremothers it was a life saver . Also in a lot of these cases it seems like the witches are getting a raw deal anyway you slice it . So far all the testimony against the accused witches has been along the lines of ; "I ripped her off selling her a ham so she put a curse on me ." Sounds like justified witchery to me . Also the witchfinder in this book always concludes that anyone they have in custody suspected of being a witch is indeed a witch . Why ? Probably the 5 gold coins he gets for each witch he found . Our incentive program at work is about as equally effective . "Look at all this work I made up for myself and did !" "This is all nonsensical gibberish . Why weren't you doing real work that really needs to be done ?" "Woo ! Bonus ! Bonus ! Bonus !" In other news did you know all lady mammals (and ostriches) have a clit ? I didn't . I thought that was a human thing (and some cavewomen maybe) . I might owe some monkey humpers an apology - maybe the monkey was into it . In other other news a female lady with a clit of my acquaintance the other day said that I am an angry person , mostly in the expression of her thesis that all men are violent rage monsters that will snap on you at a moment's notice (I just do a good job of hidding it in her hypothesis) . While this is 100% true , I did feel sad for her that her experiences in life had led here to this conclusion . More importantly though (because I'm involved) its not true . I am not an angry person . I'm quite mellow . Hateful ? Sure . Bitter ? You bet . Terrible in my vengeful countenance ? No doubt about it . Misanthropic and cruelly insane ? You bet your sweet ass . But I'm not angry . Its all cool yo . "But wait 40 , you just said a second ago it was 100% true , what gives ?" I was discounting statistically anomalies (also known as Megan Foxes) yes , literally there are a few men that are not rage monsters , but 10/3.4 billion is 0.000000003125% which I think we can all agree is similar enough to zero for our purposes as to be indistinguishable no ? Right . Also , one this people hate about me is that I'm a low talker . Probably because I hate the sound of my own voice . Its the worst . But anyway , I never thought it was really that big of a deal - so I talk quietly , maybe if you made and effort to listen to me it wouldn't make a difference . Now I know better . I started working on a project with a dude who's a low talker and its driving me insane . Here's how every damn conversation goes with him ; "Hey 40 . . . . . . . spreadsheet . . . . . . . . . . . 3rd quarter . . . . . . . Snickers bar . . . . . . . . . Ricardo Shilly Shally . . . . . . . . . . . do you think ? "Could you repeat that ? I missed a lot of what you were saying ." "Sure . . . . . . . . ." "I got nothing that time , hit me again ." ". . . . . . . ." "Are you fucking with me ?" And the sad thing is I know it probably drives him insane too having to repeat everything he says 3-4 times , because it drives me insane when I have to do it . Telepathy helmets cannot get here soon enough for me . And finally , I leave you with this . One time a dude called Thomas Henry Huxley (or T-Hux as his friends knew him) was trying to illustrate the role chance has in biological evolution by talking about a bunch of immortal monkeys typing on indestructible typewriters and eventually creating all the works of Shakespeare . In fact of course over a long enough timeline they would create all books ever written , would be written , and never would be written . Seems infinite right ? Nope . Because of the limit of the alphabet there is a finite # of unique manuscripts that can ever be written . It happens to be 45 to the 60th power to the 25th power to the 600th power . Which is a finite number , albeit (literally) an incalculably high one for the dumb human (and some cavemen) mind . These monkeys would write the Bible with a haiku about pizza toppings instead of the Book of Daniel . They would write a version of Gone with the Wind where Scarlet has a threeway with Rhett Butler and Ashley Wilkes (I reject the term threesome , also foursome please use fourgy instead) . Also a version where Scarlett has a threesome with Rhett and Ashley and then they prove Fermat's Last Theorem together . And a version where Scarlet has a threesome with Socrates and Joe "Jellybean" Bryant while Rhett pounds Ashley in the ass on Saint Andrews links during the World Cup finals . They would describe an effective treatment for liver cancer in full . Also a detailed yet bogus refutation of that treatment . A truthful refutation of the bogus refutation and a bogus refutation of the truthful refutation of the bonus refutation featuring a cameo by Jack the Ripper with tips on grooming you alpaca . But its still finite jack . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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If only the ladies here felt that way things would be looking up for old 40 Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Purty much Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Actually, it's just 99.99999% of men on social networking sites who are rage monsters. Well, I guess that argues the theory that they try to "hide it" in real life, but it comes out in the safe, anonymous environment of the interwebz.   
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Creepshow, I don't know if it's just my copy or if they're all this way. The segment with Adrienne Barbeau has parts where they talk so softly I can't hear it. If I turn it up to where I can hear those parts the rest is blasting. I turn on the closed captioning. Have your coworker write caption cards. The History channel has had several shows about torture and punishment. The Inquisition weren't supposed to shed blood. That's why they killed you with things like the rack, you didn't bleed {externally anyway} Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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