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Cornbread and titties
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Cornbread and titties I'm realizing again that I'm a bad blogger . I like when people comment on my blog (want me , love me , shower with me attention !) but hardly ever comment on other people's blogs . Of course my comments are hardly ever welcome , but that's because people don't want comments about what they're saying isn't really true , they just want people to tell "Hey , good post , you're awesome , nice titties , etc" I have to remind myself this isn't a forum for the free exchange of ideas , this is big stroke fest . By the way do you have your tickets for the Big Stroke Fest this year ? Furthermore what's the deal with people always joking about dudes masturbating into socks ? What kind of sick fuck would do something like that ? Anyway , I got a massage yesterday - it was good (she was white so her hands weren't strong enough to make it great , how do tiny Asian ladies get their hands so viselike ?) but she was super short so when she was leaning over she kept pressing her rack against me - especially my head . At one point when I was on my back my she put her boobs right in my face . It was a sad reminder of a happier time in my life when I had totally nude lady boobs in my face all the time . Those were great times . Also she wasn't wearing any shoes . I've never been a foot guy but her feet were pretty cute . Maybe that's how hard up I've become . I've always wondered , at the dirty massage places do you actually get a decent massage first or is it just a handjob for $175 ? Because without the massage that's a total rip off . Even with the massage that's a rip off . I would never pay for such a thing , but if I did I doubt I'd go higher than $7 for a handjob . You probably just get the handjob too - I can't imagine there's that many people out there who are qualified masseuses AND aren't above a little hooking on the side . I went to a rib fest last night (I love ribs more than my own face) which was great , but one of the people in the contest ran out of ribs half an hour in . What kind of bullshit is that ? They did have the best cornbread ever , but honestly , get your shit together bro . Like most dudes (I assume) I saw porn on the internet way before I ever had sexy intercourse with a lady . What to expect from sex (as taught by porn) Your cock will be huge Despite any previous worries about your size , the moment you are truly ready to get down and dirty , your penis will spring out of your shorts fully erect and proceed to balloon up like a frightened Blowfish . Veined and rippling , the mere shadow of your engorged member is likely to cause your nymphomaniacal date to chirrup lustily and fall immediately to her knees in worshipful praise . Careful: accidental<b> clubbing </font></b>is a serious risk . She will gladly accept you into any orifice and orgasm loudly therefrom Anal is only the beginning ; it's all fair game . With a little dedication , you could soon be known as "The Ear, Nose and Throat Man ." And even if all logic dictates that she should be at least uncomfortable and at most screaming in horrendous pain , you can rest assured that this kitten will lap it up like so much milk . After all , as any doctor will tell you, ninety-eight percent of the surface area of a woman (internal and external) forms one large bundle of erogenous nerves known as the O-spot . That's why they get so upset when you try to rub up against them on the bus . Two is company , but sixteen is a party This party has a two-girl minimum , and a Maximum Occupancy of ? . Balance them precariously on top of one another , then spin them and play hip-thrust darts . Scatter them about the room and drag your way from one to another on an absinthe-fueled trail of debauch and physical exhaustion . Have sex with them . The point is , more equals better . Unless of course we're talking dudes ; then it's a whole different equation . Surely her lesbian friends just stepped out for a minute Don't freak out . They're probably on their way back from the market with a big tub of cool whip , or hiding in the closet with pillows at the ready . Your demure date's audacious lesbian friends will be by shortly , and when they arrive , the making out will no doubt begin . After all , you like hot chicks , right ? So why wouldn't hot chicks like hot chicks ? It just makes good sense . She has no gag reflex and she likes it rough Your date's day job at the zucchini-swallowing factory has allowed her to develop some remarkable sexual traits . You guessed it: she likes being forcibly held still during sex . That gagging noise is her way of saying "you are the finest lover I have ever known ." If only her lecturer friend Casey weren't at that national banana-squatting convocation all week . She's into whatever Some do animal costumes , some do feet , some do chocolate sauce . You do all of the above . No need to be embarrassed , ; unless you've hooked up with a total prude , your odds are damn good of getting all you want and more out of your date . In fact , according to a national survey of characters appearing in Internet pornography , there's a ten percent chance that if you check the trunk of her car you'll find one or more of the following items: butt plugs , a big black dildo , the collected pubic hair of three years of waxing , lead body paint , stranglin' belts , jumper cables . Condoms magically appear Forget to pick up some rubbers for the date ? Chill out , boy ; the editor's got your back . Just keep prodding her upturned bottom with your man-stick , eventually the condom will appear . If not , take it as a good sign that she's either barren or you've had a vasectomy during one of the numerous star wipes . Gentlemen avoid the eyes One of the few times a woman will openly show her distaste is during the money shot . Wincing is an ancient and respected method of accepting a man's seed into the natural receptacles (the mouth , nostrils , and cheek area). But aiming for the eyes is simply barbaric , a practice dating back to the 19th century , when it was largely believed that an unblinded woman witnessing a man's orgasm would be insatiably driven to devour the penis . This is most likely a scientific impossibility , as any woman's stomach would be far too small to accommodate the filet mignon-like flesh of your now enormous unit . It will feel awesome Seriously , go for it . It won't end with you crying at all . On the contrary , you'll want to do it again right away , and have absolutely no urge to avoid your partner for the rest of your life . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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I guess I'm not like most dudes. I must be ancient. I remember looking at Nat Geo to see naked titties. The best was reading {yes reading} Penthouse Forum and later Variations. The thing about reading is they can describe things that are in fact impossible. Nostril fucking, cmon, even a pygmy is too big for that, but in print anything feels good. Like the guy who fucked his exhaust pipe on his car, that's supposed to be a unidirectional orifice guy. Although it is hot once it gets warmed up. Now, where did I leave my socks? Wild Crosswords increase your vocabulary. Cross words increase your blood pressure.
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I would say you're a neglectful blogger. Dysfunctional, perhaps.  "My every move is a calculated step, to bring me closer to embrace an early death." -Tupac Shakur
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That doesn't bother me as much , I mean if we start expecting comments on comments where does it end ? Thank you , I love your heartfelt heartiness and sweet boobies Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I was going to say something just like that , but now I can't because it won't seem spontaneous Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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I guess I'm not like most dudes. I must be ancient. I remember looking at Nat Geo to see naked titties. The best was reading {yes reading} Penthouse Forum and later Variations. The thing about reading is they can describe things that are in fact impossible. Nostril fucking, cmon, even a pygmy is too big for that, but in print anything feels good. Like the guy who fucked his exhaust pipe on his car, that's supposed to be a unidirectional orifice guy. Although it is hot once it gets warmed up. Now, where did I leave my socks? Wild Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Another problem is the fact that the link in your signature doesn't lead to your blog at all but rather to a review of some sex store in Alaska Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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