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Two beards enter , one beard leaves
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Two beards enter , one beard leaves Some fool at work has challenged me to a beard off . Obviously this upstart doesn't know I currently stand undefeated , 6-0 (with 2 knockouts) or maybe he's just a courageous fool . Either way he will be destroyed . The power of my beard compels you . I know what you're thinking ; "But 40 , isn't is bad form to challenge someone to a beard off at this time of year ?" Indeed it is , very astute . Fall and winter are the traditional beard campaigning seasons but I am not one to back down from a (non-violent) challenge . I'm much like Tom Petty in that regard . Other ways I'm like Tom Petty ; 1. I also traded a Wham-O slingshot for a box of Elvis 45s (although for me it was guns , not records) 2. I also planted a Ogeechee lime tree (but mine died) 3. I also lost a toe in a riot (for real though , not in an episode of the Simpsons - also I may have started said riot so it was maybe deserved) So I sit before you (metaphorically) clean shaven for the first time in forever (literally) . Its a weird feeling , I feel somehow . . . diminished . But I endure for the sweet ,s sweet victory that will be mine come July . I'm a fairly non offensive fellow , but I was thinking this morning about a few incidents recently at work where I made someone so mad I thought their head (or heads) might explode . 40Deuce Rage Countdown #3 One of my boss's minions/stalking victims/my archenemy was bitching me out about something (which was her own fault of course) and running out of steam she turned to personal attacks . She finished up with the very cutting remark "And your fly is open idiot !" To which I replied , boobily "You want to get that for me ?" RAGE #2 I was in a meeting (in a long line of pointless meetings) with one of my compatriots who's last name happens to be Moon . In my head I often think of him as "The Moon Man" . After several hours of spirit-sapping power point and bossspeak the query came ; "Who's going to head up this project ?" "The Moon Man and I can handle it ." Slipped out . Even though it wasn't very funny everyone laughed their asses off . The Moon Man was not amused . Rage #1 The desk right across the wall from my is used as a revolving door for all the temps who come through our department . Many of them are young ladies , so I get to watch the timeless art of seduction . One fellow in particular had a very interesting technique - yammering on incessantly about Alabama football . One of his favorite moves was showing his "Roll Tide" tattoo on his semi-muscular arm . One day the target of this attention broke down an asked Wearily "What does Roll Tide even mean ?" "I'll field this one ," I said "You see the Alabama school nickname is the Crimson Tide which is a reference of menstrual blood . Aren't you glad that there's a university out there that's so excited about menstruation ." Super rage I thought about titling this post "Alabama Moon Zipper" which I think should be the name of some revolting sex act . "Dude , what happened last night bro ?" "Bro , it was epic , I totally gave that slut the Alabama Moon Zipper dude !" In other news I'm throwing away all my underwear with holes it in - there's more than I thought . Usually along the seam of that stupid flap in the front . My junk must be more thunderous than I thought . I hate that damn flap - who's idea was that ? You know who uses that for anything ? No one . Ever . Ever . Maybe OCCASIONALLY your girlfriend (or whoever's molesting you) uses it for cock access but only if you're wearing boxers . Maybe . Stupid flap . In other other news I found the Battle of Blackwater on Game of Thrones pretty disappointing - there were some major freak out plot twists , but the battle itself was pretty lame . I still maintain they don't have much of a budget (or they don't save it for later in the season) . Now I have to decide if I want to keep HBO after that and VEEP are done for the season . Decisions decisions . Putting first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first. |
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Alabama Moon Zipper = The woman is oh her hands and knees with the man behind her. He pulls down her underwear while making a sound like a zipper and then inserting himself in the hole of their agreement while yelling "Go Tide!" I could make it dirtier but I figured this was a start.
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I probably would have taken a picture if I had any sort of picture taking device Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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Sadly no - unless my waffle iron has a camera in it Putting clients first by putting employees first, immediately after prioritizing fiscal responsibilities and leveraging profitability towards exceeding by empowering our employees to put clients (and themselves) first, in a diverse and respectful environment of only those that come first, first.
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