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TIGHT AS DICK'S HAT BAND
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TIGHT AS DICK'S HAT BAND I grew up in a ruralish area of sorts. Actually it was a small town, but the country was close. So close in fact, many of the adults I encountered growing up had a unique way with words. I grew up hearing descriptive phrases I have not heard anywhere since. They sound a bit odd at first, but when you stop and think about them they make sense. About as much sense as tits on a boar hog  The hogs were busy it seems. When you asked my neighbor it he knew where his was. He would respond as often as not…"He went to take a shit and the hogs ate him.” A reference to falling in the pig pen while walking to the outhouse. The multi-talented hogs as could be used to show happiness. “Happy as 8 piglets on a ten titted sow”  . That my friends is happy! Where these sayings excelled was describing how something fit, how something work, or how something looked. “That boy is so skinny his head looks like a tomato on a fence post” Odd, but descriptive. To describe something that was ill fitting… The phases “loose as boots on a rooster” could often be heard when something was greatly oversized. If only slightly too large then “loose as a can on a fence post” would be the description. Both of those are easy to picture and provide a concept of how bad something fit. The opposite of loose is tight. The oddest phrase of them all “tight as Dick’s hat band” was used. It did not paint a mental picture for me instead it left me with more questions. Who is Dick? How big is his head? How small is his hat? Do they mean that dick? Who wears a hat there? "Rough as a cob", is another phrase frequently used by my neighbor. The worse part of that one is the knowledge that the old farmers used corn cobs in the outhouse when the Sears catalog was gone. My first boss had a way with these phrases that was unique even for our town. He described a woman’s tight pants by saying; “her ass looked like 4 chipmunks playing in a paper sack”. As far as I am concerned his masterpiece was “you boys look like two monkeys trying to fuck a football” He was referring to 2 members of the crew who were struggling to load a portable water pump into a pick up truck. Until Next Time I am as always as happy as 8 piglets…. |
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1/29/2007 8:47 am |
And so the life of the country goes! Rope'Em! cowboywanted2day  Lets Save A Horse and Ride Each Other,cowboywanted2day
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Well never heard those old Jungle sayings... but no surprise as not from there... Part of the fading folklore... strange things often. In my native language, the translations of Donald Duck are considered really ingenious!!! Some real enthusiasts do the work almost with tobacco salary, writing the text on a cigarette box covers... so to speak. I tend to use a lot of old sayings (well had a big talkative family, all tried to beat the others by the sword of words), so old and weird that the younger kid often tells me 'mum, you sound like Donald Duck'... BTW one of the favorites of my dad it: do you believe me or should I lie more... Only universal or also in Scotland Where to start my day or is it month Of course I39ll change I39ll do whatever you like Heatseeking missiles  Squirter's life
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1/29/2007 4:43 pm |
I haven't heard those particular ones but my Dad has a few he uses that are like that.
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1/29/2007 8:48 pm |
A woman i worked with years ago always used to say as mad as cheese!! Never understood it at all.
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1/30/2007 12:52 pm |
These are great. I have some more for you I'm sure you may have heard: -"he's so stingy he could squeeze copper out of a penny" -"that guy's crookeder then a dog's hind leg!" Them thar was the good ole days.  XOXO Beach YLM
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My father-in-law was Archie Bunker without censorship. He has some of the most colorful sayings I've ever heard. Two that come to mind are "pissing on a flat rock" and "pissing in the wind." Elevate me... 
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3/13/2007 11:39 am |
You are hilarious and your blog makes me smile. If you explained any situation with what you should have done, or use any kind of "if..." statement, my grandfather shrugs it off with "if a frog had pockets he'd carry a gun and wouldn't have to be skairt of a snake"... OR... "if a frog had wings i wouldn't bump his ass when it jumped".
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