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| Blogs > demonicsexkitten > Life, or something like it |
Who am I to become?
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Who am I to become? I have decisions to make. Celibate or not? Monogamous? Many lovers? (Okay... the last one isn't really an option). Keep my religion? Walk away? If I keep my religion: Do I give up and do things "The Islamic Way"... meet somebody you're interested in: get married (what I'm told most often is "get married. Fall in love later" though I have met 1 or 2 Muslims that disagree with that theory). Try making it work. If it doesn't, and family and friends and community can't help you work things out: get a divorce. Or keep trying things the Western way which has so obviously not worked for me. Ever. I've had numerous marriage proposals over the years from guys overseas that want me to pack up my life, move over there, get married and stay. I have a life here, a home full of all the home things, a cat. Plus none of them get the fact I will go VISIT them then come home and if we like each other: go from there. No way am I just moving. I have recently met somebody online that is moving to USA. He's already moving, just wasn't sure which friends to go live with and -- being we're both Muslim, and we are interested in each other -- he thought perhaps he could move here, and we could marry. Honestly... part of me feels "why not? It's not as if the normal way is working for me". Who knows? It might even be a great thing. He basically left the decision of where he goes 100% up to me. After agonizing a couple days... I told him to go to Ohio. Though if I chose him to come here but NOT marry: that would have been fine too. My biggest blocks on him coming here are that... 1: I started feeling jealous of my space and privacy at the idea of somebody else living here. 2: I've been wanting to disappear into the mountains for a few days of solitude and meditation and reconnecting with self and Nature and God. Making any sort of major life decision before that happens just seems wrong. 3: My apartment is nowhere near guest ready. I know, I know... the fact we don't really even know each other should be a bigger factor, but the whole "being forced to make a life decision before I've had time to sort it all out" thing is what's getting to me. Had this happened 2 months ago, I might not have hesitated. Actually I had a friend (from Senior Sizzle at that!) all set to move in with me. Though he valued my friendship too much to risk a sexual involvement, even though we did find one another attractive and mentally stimulating. At the last minute his plans fell through though so he couldn't come. I do not like feeling there are expectations placed upon me that I might not be able to fulfill. Even if it's only my mind imagining the expectations -- or perhaps that's especially if it's only my mind imagining them. What finally made me decide to say "you should go to Ohio"? I asked the magic 8 ball online and the yes/no answer generator. haha. (I could see pro's and con's to both options... and sometimes wild leaps of faith prove worthwhile). Of course... there's always the fact he doesn't like Star Trek. Maybe that should have been question #1 
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Bang_44DD: Thanks for your comment  Being patient is so tiresome though hahaha.
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