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The Nice Guy Complex
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The Nice Guy Complex I've ran into this a few times in my life, the "Nice Guy Complex" I'm calling it, where good guys believe all the jerks get the good women, so they feel they need to be jerks in order to get the good women. I know I've seen quite a few psycho, crazy women married to nice guys--but that doesn't make me want to turn into a shrew to get a guy. What does everyone else think? That said, having a nice guy whining that he should become a jerk so he can get a good woman... and he's SPEAKING to a good woman (that he lied to and cheated on)... is rather insulting. I suppose he means "I want a drop-dead-gorgeous, super-model." |
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I'm a "Nice Guy" and I have noticed that it seems women prefer assholes. I get that impression from all the first date horror stories I read in blogville and the number of men I see in their 'friends' list whos profile photo is just a closeup of their dick. That being said, I have never felt the need to act like an asshole in order to win a date on this site with any woman, even though clearly, being a nice guy is a losing strategy here on Senior Sizzle. I simply refuse to be someone that I am not in order to get sex. Oh, sure... I'd love to bed a hottie. Who wouldnt? We all want someone that stimulates our eyes as well as every other sense. But I've been ignored and dismissed by fatties, grannies, toadies and hotties just the same, so why bother?
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My theory is that guys who get a complex about possibly being a "nice guy" often really are NOT so nice. They are instead natively non-aggressive/meek or "passive-aggressive". You can still be a meek, quiet type guy with relatively good social manners up front but still be an "inner asshole". And overall that's simply just not attractive. I don't think it's necessarily the "a-hole" qualities which attract women anyway, I think it's the willingness to show what you're feeling in an upfront way without being concerned at all about judgement. The confidence to simply do that. And some guys simply don't have that confidence to express themselves well in an outward way. I really don't think it's exactly about being a "jerk" so to speak. But more about public confidence. Just my opinion. insert exploding bomb image here
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Haha. This topic always makes me chuckle. There is a difference between being nice and being a pussy. I'm nice, but I'm not going to put up with a woman's attitude (if she has one). Women like nice guys, but they get tired of being able to run all over her man. ~AAS
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King-Cobb: I think maybe you hit it exactly. The "nice guy" was having FWB relationship with 2 women (both of us under the impression we were the only one, and because he seemed so honest and ethical we believed him), and then cheated on us with a 3rd person. Really, he's showing very A-hole qualities now. Oh: yeah... and all 3 were in love with him I think. Anyhow.... aascrompn: You are SO right!! I love nice guys, but I do NOT want a submissive man. I wouldn't feel I could be truly myself. And eventually I'd get resentful. Lynn1812: Sorry you've had such bad experience here  I don't understand people. But I'm glad you're a nice guy. 
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I can't really relate. I'm a jerk that way. 
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BenHur: So long as you're up front about it: nobody can complain. 
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