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| Blogs > PurplePeach72 > No Ordinary Girl! |
Retail Therapy Combats The Blues
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Retail Therapy Combats The Blues Sunday morning I woke to find that my beloved desktop, circa 2002 had finally died. This was no great surprise given it's age and longevity of use but I was upset. There are probably 10,000 pictures, 2 advanced degrees, and countless blogs, journals on that computer. No I don't have them backed up to any other source and that is what scared me. I had just said to my Viking the day before that I really needed to back all of that up to an external hard drive because as old as that computer was it was bound to crash at some point. I should have kept my mouth shut until after I backed it up. My Viking assures me that the hard drive is still good and he will be able to retrieve all of my irreplacable photos, letters, journals and other documents. I was also just upset because I'm pretty damn attached to my computer. I spend lots of time on it writing, surfing and exploring. The weekend was already a little stressful because it was the start of the new schedule with Lil Bit. I cried twice during the week, unloading the dishwasher and packing her stuff because of all the things I have here that are her's that she won't use much if at all anymore. I was upset because I knew I only had her for the weekend and that when I took her back she'd be living with her daddy. I wanted to spend some fun, quality time with her. We did got to Callaway on Saturday with Judi and her 2 girls but we got rained off the beach. The girls had fun at the Butterfly house and Lil Bit stayed at their house to play for a few hours. Judi brought her back home and they all played her for a few more hours before we had to kick them all out to get to bed before midnight. This is the 1st time I have ever not taken her to school on her 1st day. She wasn't a bit concerned about the change but I was feeling very sad and a bit un-needed. She would gladly have spent the entire weekend with her friends and other familly even though I hadn't seen her in 3 weeks. I had to keep reminding myself that it was a good sign that she was so secure in my love that she was making the adjustment without being needy or clingy. We dropped her off to her daddy and I was very proud of myself. I didn't start crying about not getting to take her to school until we were in the truck. My Viking held me while I balled like a baby about it. Then assured me he knew just how to make me feel better. Some serious retail therapy! We were already planning a trip to Best Buys to get a gaming sytem and new TV so my Viking assured me we would find me a laptop that would work even better than the old desktop. I know that sounds wonderful but it was a cause for some angst for me. You see money is the one area that he & I are on very unequal footing. I'm fiercely independent and it really galls me that I have a masters degree but live below the poverty line. It's been a very long time since I was in a relationship where someone was willing to buy me things I need or help me financially without holding it over my head as leverage in a major power struggle. I've been fighting to keep my head above water financially for so long now I just don't remember how it feels to not worry about how we're going to eat if I pay this bill or how long I can put off one bill in order to pay another. It's taking some major adjustment for me to accept that I don't have to live that way anymore. My Viking isn't going to hold the things he buys for me over my head or use them as a way to belittle me for my inability to pull my own weight financially. It was a major relief for me to just let go of that fear, angst and heartache. His help will allow me to get caught up on things I'd gotten behind in like the board and a loan from a family member. It was a major relief to finally accept that he's serious about our merging our lives, including bills/money which is the major stressor in my life. We're very careful to make sure that it's not a matter of him rescuing me or being a white knight but some reasonable help from him which makes my life tremendously easier. I walked around Best Buy with him in shock and awe. He said at one point that I really looked out of it and asked if I was ok. It just felt really surreal to me to be walking around buying things I could never afford when I was still worrying about how to pay all the bills. When I told him that he reminded me that I wasn't in this alone anymore and that when he said to stop worrying about something he meant to stop worrying about it. We talked alot more on the way home, I relaxed and just accepted it was going to be ok. By the time we got home, started unloading and setting up the new toys, I was back in touch with reality. I really felt like a 5 ton gorilla was lifted off my chest. I'm sure I thanked him but I can't begin to tell him what it means to me because a thank you just isn't enough. It wasn't that I doubted him or his word. It's just that I'm been dealing with people who say things without being willing to actually do them or doing them begrudgingly that it's been hard for me to let myself believe we were truly in this together now. I've been alone a long time despite being married I was not supported in anyway. I was solely responsible for taking care of myself, Lil Bit, our animals and often helping with lots of other responsiblility that weren't mine. It's been so long since I have been able to trust someone that it's hard for me to let go and let him have my back. He never ceases to amaze me by how much he loves, wants, accepts and supports me. I could never have imagined the relationship I've been blessed to have with him. I absolutely love my new laptop. It's compact and easy to carry around with me all over the house. It's really fast and other than not having any pictures on it yet or Word it already does everything I need and then some. We played the PS3 for a while last night and it was tons of fun. He bought me Tetris..lol...I know I'm lame but I like the old games. I was never a big gamer anyway. We've got several other games I'm looking forward to trying but I haven't had time or been willing to sit down to try them out. The new TV is fucking amazing! I've never lived in a house with a TV that big and it's really cool. My little 20" is in our bedroom now so there maybe more porn watching going on in the future..lmao... We went back to Columbus yesterday and finished the retail therapy. He got the fencing to block the side yards and keep the dogs in the backyard and got it set-up. After about 7 stores we finally found me a new trackball mouse for the laptop. YAY!! We got some<b> supplies </font></b>for the house. I decided to splurge and spent $50 on some new clothes for DC. I got 2 new dresses & 2 new tops that I'm very happy with. Don't tell anyone but I think the Viking (who hates shopping) even enjoyed the dressing room show, which would have turned into dressing room sex if the attendant hadn't been geriatric. It's a good excuse to get him in another dressing room with me in the future! We finally got to try out my new helmet today. It was a short ride because it started storming but we managed to out run the storm and barely got rained on. I love riding his motorcycle with him especially over the mountain that's been home to me most of my life. I love molding my body to his back. Feeling my arms and legs wrapped around his waist as we take the curves with the wind in my face is just awesome. I started going walking with him while he runs tonight. We're both determined to get back into shape. We've gotten fat, happy and lazy over the summer with all this vacationing and traveling. It felt really good to be out exercising with him. I was really proud of myself for being able to do his route without stopping to rest. Of course I was just walking, he was running and would double back to me so he probably ran twice as far as I walked. We will see how sore I am tomorrow but I'm glad we're doing it together. I think that will make it much easier for me to stick with it and keep the weight off. Like everything else with him, it was easy and fun. Something I normally dread doing turned fun and enjoyable because I was doing it with him. I really thought that once we were home from vacation and had a couple of weeks of settling into a routine with each other, living together that our sex life would get slack. I'm very happy to say that I was wrong! The sex is still just as fucking fabulous as it's always been. We've been together constantly for a month and have yet to get on each other's nerves, be annoyed, have an argument or not want to fuck each other constantly...lol...Neither of us will be horny then we touch and we can't keep our clothes on! As much as I'm looking forward to the DC Bash, I'm hating the fact that it will keep me away from my Viking for 5 days. Then the following weekend he's going to be out of town diving with his nephew. I can't go because Buster is getting neutered that Friday and I have Lil Bit. He's getting his aged nephew in from Cali tomorrow night. They are hopefully going to be able to get his stuff moved in while I'm gone. I figure they will have those few days I'm gone to do their male bonding before I get back and insert the estrogen back into the house...lol... I made room for his clothes in my closet today. Yep that's right he's got drawer and closet space now! You know what? I really like seeing his clothes hanging there next to mine. I want this to be as much his home as it is mine. I'm all packed for DC but still have a ton of stuff to get done around the house before we head up north tomorrow evening. I know I won't get it all done but the house isn't a total wreck anymore. I hope you are all having a great week. I'm super excited about meeting everyone at the Bash! Now that I have my nice new laptop I'm sure I'll be posting from the Bash. Take care and love each other well. Kisses, LeeAnn Kisses, LA    |
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Hope you recover your data. Kisses
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I want a Viking too. LOL I know what you mean about having a masters degree and still being poor. Pretty much sucks! Can't wait to see you - TOMORROW!!! It's almost here! WHOOHOOOOOO! ***
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Woohoo shopping!! That IS a little scary, given license to buy what is needed, when its needed...what is that like? Woohoo Tetris! Woohoo exercise...umm...for you guys anyway, lol! Glad you are out and about, thanks for touching base last night, and have an awesome time in DC. Ur.Grrl.CC 
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That's what I need. An exercise partner to help keep by butt motivated. I love working out but motivation is hard to come by sometimes (especially since they moved the gym farther away. And there is nothing wrong with Tetris. Not my game personally, but some of the older games are far better then more then half of the new stuff. They just don't look as pretty. I have a couple older games on my PS3 too. As long as it isn't the hard drive that crapped out on you he should be able to retrieve everything for you. Then you can re organize them all on your shinny new Laptop.  And after this weekend I'm sure there will be more too add. I'm hoping to get tons of pictures with a few people going. And if some of them happen to be naughty ones all the better. 
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