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Music To Eat Haggis And Deflower Sheep Too
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Music To Eat Haggis And Deflower Sheep Too And so here I am, back from Japan and struggling to get over my jet lag. I even got me a dose of culture (remember that I say this like Bob Hoskins in The Long Good Friday ‒ “kullcher” ) this weekend by taking my youngest to the opera for our birthdays. But that is now what I am here to talk about today. It was brought to my attention that somewhere in the suburbs of Virginia, there is the ice cream truck from Hell (or from some nameless cult) endlessly cruising the ‘hood playing “music” (Musak?) that was wholly inappropriate for its intended purpose. (And I do not think that [blog _Safira] has yet managed to figure out its intended purpose.) Well….I had my own completely inappropriate musical experience today. So here I was, minding my own business, and taking a personal day as I felt completely shagged out: not that I have gotten any shagging lately. I have had a personal issue with my truck not getting it up lately and I thought that a new battery was what the doctor ordered to fix the non-starting issue. (It’s the same remedy that many around here have found as an antidote for a non-loving vibrator.) So I wandered on down to the auto parts store which, in accordance with Oregon state law, I think, has an attached Walgreen’s. I purchased the all important battery (and just because Tires will read this, new battery cables). And true to form, the truck wouldn’t start, so I just decided to switch the battery out then and there: it felt liberatingly white trash to do the work in a parking lot. Now, I have, until today always thought that Mexican music played full blast on a car stereo was the most annoying thing possible to hear coming from a car. You know the music I mean: it has that bOOOOm, bUUUUm, bOOOOm, bUUUUm, bOOOOm, bUUUUm ground pounding beat that loosens all the snot in one’s sinus cavities and can be heard coming from a great distance the same way that the trains can be heard coming on the underground. Of course, the accompanying accordion makes it almost laughable once the “pimped out” ‘73 Corona comes into view. Anyhoo ... back to the main focus of my story. About ten yards away from me in the parking lot was a really beautiful, new Dodge 4-door pickup. I know I like the truck since it is one of the vehicles I am looking at buying in the new year. I kind of like the silver color, but I prefer the red or the blue. It had really nice wheels and was obviously a well maintained and much loved machine. But there was the most amazing noise emanating from its stereo. (Now I am going to assume it came from the stereo, because even though this was the 4-door model, there is not enough interior room for the Combined Pipes And Drums). The occupant was playing what can only be called K-Tel’s Greatest Hits Of The Bagpipes at an ear shattering, glass breaking level that I have only ever heard reached at a Scotland v England soccer match at Ibrox. That is correct, you heard me right,<b> bagpipe </font></b>music: “outlawed tunes, played on forbidden pipes”. First everyone in Washington County was treated to collected excerpts from the Braveheart soundtrack. It is, as I recall, a wonderful score ‒ but not really what one would consider automobile music. But then, the CD launched into “Scotland The Brave”. This is really a piece of music only appropriate for “going over the top” in WWI or for urging the home team onto glory as they play rugby against England. I was already just about done changing the battery out and so I glanced over at the offending vehicle, and I shit thee not, the driver looked like the dad out of So I Married An Axe Murderer. His thoughts were reaching me though, “Come over here you little English (and when a Scot says it, it actually sounds like he is saying “anglash” ) poufta and I’ll lay you open from eyebrow to eyebrow. Come on, come and get a little Glasgow kiss, you wee man.” He even had the extra thick glasses on. Figuring that anyone nuts enough to play<b> bagpipe </font></b>music full blast in an enclosed space was not someone that I really wanted to encounter in person, I left the scene. Even as I left the area (the truck started first time) I could feel that Scottish hatred being emanated upon the world. After all, only a nation of people who hate everyone else, would export<b> bagpipe </font></b>music. ************************************************************************************************** And finally a little English humor for all those Scots (or Americans who truly want to believe that they are, on some genetic level, Scottish) . Do you know why Scotsmen wear kilts? Because a sheep can hear a zipper go down from a mile away.  |
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OMG!  (Great post!!!! but, I've gotta stop laughing before I try to comment further...or I'll just let Tires...  )
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POODLE ~ How is our star-crossed love (or at least the shagging bits) ever going to work if you pick on my ancestry??? If you insist on doing so, at least buy me a pair of Wellies as I sneak-up on the "sheep" with my strap-on (size 8.5 medium, green to match the grass, please).  I'll leave Grandfather Harry's bagpipes at home. / *muah* /  This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine. RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me
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Nice bit of British humour at the end there.. thanks for that  [post 3969793]
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OMG! (Great post!!!! but, I've gotta stop laughing before I try to comment further...or I'll just let Tires... )
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POODLE ~ How is our star-crossed love (or at least the shagging bits) ever going to work if you pick on my ancestry??? If you insist on doing so, at least buy me a pair of Wellies as I sneak-up on the "sheep" with my strap-on (size 8.5 medium, green to match the grass, please). I'll leave Grandfather Harry's bagpipes at home. / *muah* / Wellie wanging, that's what. I bet that Leann knows what that is ........ And what about my fantasy of you creeping up on me with your wellies on.....?
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Tires, I would love to see a picture of that van. Urban camo: you gotta love it. F
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Nice bit of British humour at the end there.. thanks for that
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Ned, Once those things are playing, the blood never stops flowing. F
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I expect my next package to have my Wellies ... because you know my greatest joy is helping my friends make their dreams come true. /  This is my blog - [blog _Safira]. There are many like it, but this one is mine. RECOMMENDED READING: A F F The Only Site For Me
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